Saudades


The real journey of discovery is not seeing new places every time,

but seeing the world with new eyes.

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I always stated that every girl shoud have at least 2 solo travels in her life : 

the first one, to discover herself and the second one to make from that person they discovered their best friend.

This is the story of my first solo travel and the lessons I have learnt.

We all read this kind of stories. People who got stuck in their routine ou in burnout and left their cosy .We read blog, we dream about it too, although we have a hard time understanding how could this be possible. But we never get to question why is all this happening to us and how should it be prevent it, instead of all doing the same path and one day burst into total despair and leave.

Well, let me tell you my part of the story. When I was in my last but one year of study, I used to get involved into several projects extra curricular projects at the same time, train for an absurd amount of competitions, marathon, triathlons, having a busy schedule and a loooong list of “had to’s” and “musts” to follow. I was an overachiever and hopeless perfectionist, with a profound sense of guilt and constant feelings of pressure.

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It was not that I didn’t have the right tools to have an enjoyable fulfilled life, it was that I couldn’t accept it.

Then, for my last year, I was supposed to choose a Management program in Netherlands which would’ve allow to continue on the same kind of path, not realizing that what I was doing was to keep my mind away of my inner world.

People and friends around me adviced me on choosing something else, a more “enjoyable” experience, but I just couldn’t see what were the reasons for them to do that.

 

One day, and very close to the deadline for our submissions, something has changed. I got a postcard from a very good friend I didn’t see in more than 3 years. Someone with who I use to spend a great time and really appreciate life in my first year of studies. We use to go out with Brazilian people all the time and my life was filled with joy and spontanous moments at that time. It was a busy lifestyle too, but I was the one who was different : I was simply allowing myself the right to live.

It might seem rediculous for you to read that I made a life decision based on a postcard. But I did, and we often keep at the bottom of the ocean many dreams and desires that only this small kind of event can make them appear on the surface of the water. We don’t allow ourselves to be happy. As simple as that. So I bought a one-way ticket to Brazil, which for my self. It was something I had no visibiliy on, I had no idea how my life would be there or what to expect, so suddently anxiety and doubts of not making the “right” decision started to invade my life.

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– – –

The first thing that came in my mind when for the first weeks was : “Why are those people smiling ? What’s that good about life anyways ?”

Before this experience, I was never living the present moment and I was struggling to focus on RIGHT NOW. Like many of us, unconsciously drifting through tasks, dreams or past memories.

The first time I was confronted to this truth was during my stay in Brazil, after 2 workaholic years and almost reaching the burn-out state.

Find more on my post HERE.

  • Waves

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– – –

At the end of the 6 months, although I was feeling way more human and refreshed after meeting wonderful, lovely, friendly people and get to know new cultures, expend my vision on the world, I still was struggling knowing who I truly was.

I had no idea what my life will be like in the future. I just knew I didn’t want to go back to my previous life. So, I planned to stay for the next 6 months in Brazil, hoping I can figure out things.

For the New Year’s Eve, most of the stuff I was travelling with got stolen and left me with very few money to be able to travel for the next months or be able to manage staying in Brazil for more. That changed the whole course of my decisions. It’s like the Universe had sent me a message.

When I went back to Sao Paolo, I litteraly spent 2 weeks in vain while everyone else I was living with where travelling around South America or Brazil ! I remember I could lay on the floor for hours with my mind going blank and my body freezed.

I was even more confused than before.

  • Spiritual Awakening

Then, just when I needed the most, I sent an email to a friend who was travelling back to Brazil that same time. He is someone who practices Taoism, acupuncture and has been a spiritual initiator for me. I am extremely grateful for having met him in my life. There is NO such thing as coincidence. And yes, ANGELS DO EXIST !!!

So, I went visiting him and spent the most peaceful day ever, eating mangos from the trees and just listening the peaceful sound of the nature. Little I knew that email was gonna change my life forever.

His advices helped me a lot on making the next decision in my life, which was travelling solo. Although my budget was so limited, I wanted to go to every place I have dreamed of.

Remember ! Just like Eckhart Tolle stated : Being spiritual has nothing to do with what you believe and everything to do with your state of consciousness.

So don’t let yourself be fooled about the regards of people towards spirituality, start exploring this area, cause this is what YOU ARE.

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Find more on my post HERE.

So, the very next day I packed the stuff I had left under the confused eyes of Mia :)

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Borrowed a backpack, sketched a short itinerary. And I left without thinking twice ^^

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Wanna see how the journey unfold ? Check out the next articles ?

  • First stop (finding joy in helping others) : Volunteering : Lençois Maranhenses

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Find more on my post HERE.

  • Second stop (finding joy in me-times, being in peace with myself) : the wonderful beaches of Itacaré, Bahia

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Find more on my post HERE.

  • Third and last stop (celebrating and sharing the joy I found with others) :  Carnival in Olinda & Recife

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Find more on my post HERE.

  • Conclusion

I must say that it was not an easy decision, but it was the right one. I was terrified of the idea of being alone with myself for such a long time. It felt like being with a stranger I was afraid of.

Eventually, I have come to understand that all of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

 

If there only one think I wish I could knew before my travel is : “Relax, everything is going to be ok !”

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KEEP IN MIND :)

With every encounter, we build ourselves out of stories and we leave a little trace of who we are to other people.

With every sunset, there is a new page turned in our book.
So, at the end of the day, make sure your story is a worth-telling one as the world will reflect your thoughts.

 

I will be forever grateful to my friend Gabriel for inspiring tohave the courage to initiate a spiritual journey.